“You should eat a grapefruit every day for a week,” said no one ever. But maybe they should have said it.
Grapefruits have vitamin C and stuff, and that’s really healthy for you. So I decided with all of the people going on a 7-day cleanse or a 21-day cleanse or juicing this or gluten free that, there was one small change I could make in my diet that could be nothing but awesome.
I ate a grapefruit every day for a week.
Holy shit. Let me tell you I was not expecting what happened. The first day was tough. I had to find a grapefruit, which is not an easy task. After wandering around the store for a few minutes, I just gave up and asked one of the workers where I could find one.
It turns out there is a whole section of fruit at the super market. No, I’m not talking about the fruit you find at the bottom of your Yoplait yogurt. I’m talking about whole fresh fruit. It doesn’t come in a box and it’s not just flavoring. It’s actual fruit.
“It turns out there is a whole section of fruit at the super market.”
Day two, I was surprised. I woke up feeling kinda tired, so I pushed my snooze alarm too many times and was late for work. My boss yelled at me, but I was surprisingly calm and collected. I just grinned.
“I’m on a grapefruit diet right now,” I told him.
“What?” He was completely thrown off.
I explained the diet to him, and then he mellowed a bit. He told me about the 7-day cleanse his daughter was doing. She just graduated from MIT and he showed me a pic of the graduation. A lot of tension was eased. We connected, me and my boss. That was the best interaction I’ve had with him in years.
The third day I noticed that I had a lot more energy. It could’ve been because I drank a couple of Red Bulls, but I attribute it to the grapefruit. I was really beginning to like them. They didn’t taste as sour as before.
Days 4 and 5 were challenging. I really wanted to say fuck this shit and just eat an orange instead, but I stuck to it. And then something happened. I met this woman in the fruit section of Ralphs and she told me how to pick out a ripe grapefruit. First of all, you want to check the color. It should be slightly reddish. Then squeeze it, she told me. Your fingers should sink into it slightly.
“I really wanted to say fuck this shit and just eat an orange instead, but I stuck to it.”
“No really, go ahead and squeeze it,” she said.
I started sweating because I was detoxing.
But I grabbed the grapefruit and squeezed it. She was right. Your fingers should sink into it ever so slightly. Soft at first, then a little more pressure. Then hold it firmly.
I started getting psyched on this grapefruit diet shit. I got her number and told her I’d call her later. She said she was going to try the grapefruit diet too.
The next day I woke up and ate two grapefruits for breakfast. Then one for lunch and one for dinner. I hit the woman up and we went out for coffee. She said you can cut the grapefruit open, put some brown sugar on it and pop it in the broiler for a bit. Best thing on earth.
At this point I was feeling like I was going to eat a grapefruit every day for the rest of my life.
But nothing prepared me for the last day. My boss came into my office and closed the door.
“You’ve been here for eight years,” he says. “I’ve been keeping an eye on your work, and I like what I see. It seems like for the first time, you’re actually making a little bit of improvement. I want this behavior to continue, so I’m giving you a little incentive.”
The dude gave me a fifty cent raise right on the spot. I was blown away.
You might be skeptical about the grapefruit diet. I was. I had never heard of it, and in fact, just kinda made it up myself. Maybe somebody else has thought of it, I don’t know. But the point is — eating a grapefruit every day for one week was one of the best things I’ve ever done for my life.
Next week, I’m going to eat one tablespoon of peanut butter every day for a week and see what happens. I figure it’s so packed with carbs and protein that it’s gotta be amazing.
Things are gonna change, I can feel it.
Featured image by Shawn Calvert via Flickr.