How To Properly Prepare for World War 3

Let me make something clear right away: this article is not going to be an article about hoarding automatic weapons and digging battle trenches around your residence. It is not going to be about how to survive close quarters combat, nor is it going to be about the most efficient ways to take out your enemies silently. Rather, this article is going to be a guide for the every-human (notice how I no longer used the engendered everyman wordage?) on how to deal with the smaller, more personal aspects of prepping for the forthcoming nuclear apocalypse at the hands of our lunatic, blood lusting leaders. Because, as everyone knows, none of us are prepared for this in even the slightest, even though the best and brightest of us already saw this coming. So with nuclear winter not far off, best we dust off our figurative snow gear and get ourselves ready for our impending potential doom (moreover, the doom we will inevitably bring to others and take no credit for). Here is your handy guide that will teach you how to prepare yourself for WORLD WAR 3, fingers crossed that we won’t actually need it.


Make Peace with Your Loved Ones

Yeah, we’re staring off heavy, but this was a big part of my incentive to write this because ALL OF US have some broken, imperfect relationships in our lives, be they romantic and/or familial. We carry it around with us daily, like baggage strapped across our backs. And it never gets lighter. It only seems to get heavier with each passing day. 

Now imagine if something cataclysmic happened in our (or your, depending on where you are based, internationally) own county. Now take it one step further and imagine some mass body count as the result of an attack of some sort. Now imagine losing the person you may be arguing or disagreeing with currently. 

Some people might say good riddance, but for most of us with a moral compass, that thought is quite devastating. Why? Because if you boil down most human disagreements, they are usually started for very petty reasons, often over the smallest of things. Then, because we all can be very petty, a gap starts where neither party wants to address the conflict. Before you know it, you and that person haven’t spoken in over ten years because of something that was probably very insignificant. 

The reality is, right now the U.S is in the very high probability margin for an attack, with some major metropolis’ being the focal points of potential attacks. Now my question to you is, would you rather have an uncomfortable conversation with someone to squash a beef, or would you rather risk losing that person without a resolution for either of you?

I know it seems dramatic, but connect with those you love and respect and let them know, no matter what, that you do indeed love and respect them. They will likely do it back, and in those moments, fear is the last thing on your mind, which is how we truly thrive in times of trouble.


Get Hacking Away At Your Proverbial Bucket List

I want to start this entry off with something that fucks with me that will make sense contextually in a moment. I play guitar, and people will often tell me: Oh man, I wish I had learned how to play.

My response is always the same. First, I make sure there is nothing that is actually keeping them from it (like a terminal disease or paralysis or something) then I let loose, in the kindest way possible.

“Um, why are you speaking in past tense like you are dead and looking back on your life? You have fucking hands and eyes and ears, why not learn right the fuck now? What is that “wish I learned” nonsense, you dead or something?”

And they will always react by not reacting, and just kind of letting that sink in. My point being, regarding ANYTHING you wanna do, the sad fact about humans is YOU are the only one holding you back. You are NEVER too old to learn something, NEVER too old to pick up new hobbies or find new passions, and there aren’t “windows” for things. An example being, if you haven’t skydived by 30, you aren’t gonna skydive, you are too old.

You kidding me?!

You gonna let this badass old lady burn you that bad, bruh? No, but seriously, none of us will ever be as badass as this lady, to be honest:

But let that serve as an example.

Now allow me to add the horrifying idea of a forthcoming war, and do you see now why it is probably a great time to pick up that one thing you always wanted to do but hold yourself back from?

The truth is, everyone talks about their bucket list, but few ever actually pursue and scratch off the things they have mentally written on it. If you knew a bomb was coming, wouldn’t you be that much more determined to do some things you loved?

Yes, that is my point.

And yes, having lots of (consensual is the key word) sex and doing drugs is totes fine in this scenario (but not meth, PCP, Oxys, heroin, or crack though, but pretty much every other one is legit). So get busy, people, we are on borrowed time at this point.


Make Peace With YOURSELF

This is a BIG ONE, and I try to encourage it as much as I can. I believe the world right now is filled with people who only punish themselves and never compliment themselves. People who tend to focus on all our fucks up and failures. People who are also terribly afraid of having to spend time with themselves. All those things mentioned prior add up to a very unhealthy equation, and that equation being the toxic relationships we have we have with ourselves. Now you may be wondering how this factors into an article about the WARPOCALYPSE, so let me explain.

Please bear with me, as this example is extreme, but it will hit home for many. In a word (and not BRAVE or HEROIC, as would be first instinct regarding her, and please do not shout out her nationality either because, well, yeah, don’t do that) what was Anne Frank?


Stuck in a terrible situation as a result of wartime hardships.

But yet, she used her passion for the written word and her own inner strength (and inevitable monologue she kept with herself) to keep her sane during that time. And look at what she had to show it for when all was said and done? She took her darkest timeline and used it to help enlighten others. How fucking badass is that?

Now flash to a modern millennial who is suddenly without a phone or tech and perhaps, stuck in an attic somewhere. If they are at peace with themselves, and have found a passion like she did, they are not very likely to spiral into their own mind and want to eat a bullet.

BUT, if you hate yourself, that time is worse than anything else. Being alone with yourself when you don’t like yourself and don’t know how to be kind to yourself is many people’s worth fears.

So take a little time with yourself starting now. Be kind to you, learn how to enjoy your company. Forgive past transgressions (within reason), do not cling so desperately to your past that your future is murky as fuck, as that isn’t fair to you or those around you.

The truth is, once you are at peace with yourself, even being in an attic all alone isn’t that bad, as long you and the ones you love are safe.


And Lastly

Make sure you stockpile automatic weapons and dig trenches around your residence that you fill with spikes with shit smeared on the end of them so the wounds of your enemies get infected right away and you can torture information out of that person you now have kept in your war pit.

Oh wait, I wasn’t supposed to go there. Kinda like us with Iran.

*High fives self and moonwalks out of room


Photo Credit: Morgan Sherwood via Flickr.